Words of Wisdom

I started out with nothing....I still have most of it.
I finally got my head together, now my body is
falling apart.
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too
astonished.
The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop
digging.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the
hydrant.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few...
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't
been anywhere.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a
free trip around the sun.
The only time the world beats a path to your door
is if you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have
put them on my knees.
If you're living on the edge, make sure you're
wearing your seat belt.
There are two kinds of pedestrians ... the quick
and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other
toys.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at
which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're
everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client
has the better attorney.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is
the depth.
Keep your friends close but your enemies closer